Every once in a while when talking to my parents, they’ll give me a little “jab” about my lifestyle.
“What do you do again? Does that make any money?”
“Soooo…you’re basically retired?”
Because they’re boomers, they think you need to go out of the house and put effort into something in order to be successful. And if you don’t hate your work, it’s not legitimate.
“You’re not supposed to like it. That’s why it’s a job.”
That’s the way they did it, so they don’t understand any other path.
Hard work + hating your job = “real.”
My dad grew up on a farm, so he had to do tons of physical labor in his youth. He’s also a retired truck driver where he put many grueling hours on the road.
My stepmom worked at a bank most of her adult life and hated every second of it. She was traumatized by being held up at gunpoint once or twice, and even more traumatized by the daily battering from a terrible boss.
My mom worked at General Motors as a factory worker, sometimes in the middle of the night. That’s real, honest American hard work.
To them, that’s how you make money. That’s how you become successful. Not sitting around fiddling on your computer. A computer (or “confuser”, as my dad likes to call it) is for going on Facebook and payin’ the bills.
This is what I value more than money.
This all started when I was an upcoming senior in high school. I never told a soul about this until now, but during the summer before my last year I got a job at an ice cream shop. The first day I was supposed to work, I drove up the driveway…
…then quickly did a u-turn and drove away.
I lied to my mom. “They didn’t need me after all.”
I never got another job that summer because I wanted to enjoy the last bit of freedom before heading off to college.
At some point during a visit at my dad’s, my stepmom made a comment about not having a job and implied that I was lazy.
The truth is, I’m not lazy at all. I just value freedom and autonomy more than money. (Although, paradoxically, you need money to gain more freedom and autonomy, so I do value it from that “freedom” lens.)
I’m uninspired and unmotivated to work for someone’s else’s vision. That’s why I couldn’t stand working in a dull, gray, soul-sucking cubicle and never wanted to climb the corporate ladder. I just didn’t care.
I much preferred working at an elementary school, or now, working part-time at the library. Because in these places, I’m not working for someone else’s dreams and goals. I work for the community.
But I’m even more motivated to build something of my own…
I’m inspired by my family’s ignorance.
Now, when I get these little digs, I just roll my eyes, nod along, and say “uh huh.”
Meanwhile, they have no idea that I wrote two articles on Medium that made over $1,000 and even one that’s made just under $3,500. (It’s this one if you’re curious.) They don’t even know what Medium is.
They don’t know I’ve written an ebook that’s made over $4,000. (This one.) They don’t know I turned that into a physical book that I sold on Amazon for a little while.
I don’t tell them because they won’t understand. Plus, I enjoy the thrill of building my mini digital empire, growing my “Front Row Ticket” concert fund, and having them be none the wiser.
I imagine my little empire growing while they’re still giving me pokes. As they say something, I just “see” my stream of fun money going into my bank account.
And I don’t say anything. I just smile on the inside and let them think what they want.
My New DCA.
My family’s ignorance inspired me so much that I came up with a new DCA, or Definite Chief Aim. This phrase comes from Napoleon Hill in his bestselling book, Think and Grow Rich. A DCA is a burning desire you’re obsessed with achieving.
A DCA has a specific goal with a specific timeline.
I used Claude AI to help me craft mine, and if you’d like to see what we came up with, I’ve created a new tiny product (with a tiny price!) that walks you through how to create your own DCA. I also share mine and the trouble I ran into while creating it. Check it out on Gumroad here.
What does “success” mean anyway?
Someday I’d like to ask my boomer parents what they think success means. Is it a certain type of job? A certain salary? Is it grinding it out day and night because you’re supposed to hate what you do?
Because, even though they love to give me these little jabs, as far as I can tell, my husband and I are doing great. We have a comfortable, enjoyable life. We have zero debt except for our mortgage. We live in a nice townhouse in a fantastic area that’s perfect for us and keeps us from being house poor.
We cash flow our daughter’s college tuition, and we’ve been able to help our son start his business. Both of our kids are well-mannered and genuinely pleasant to be around.
Isn’t that enough?
What is “enough” anyway? Is there such a thing?
While it’s great to strive for more, as I’m doing with my DCA, sometimes you need to look around and realize how much you already have. You can strive to hit new goals while being grateful for where you already are.
In fact, I’d say that’s the secret to a truly fulfilling life.
Final thoughts
Recently, I was watching Myron Golden on YouTube, and he was talking about how some people don’t understand what he’s doing and others don’t like what he’s teaching. Then he said the most perfect line ever:
“That ain’t my problem.”
Indeed, it’s not.